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Atlanta Vampire Alliance [AVA]  |  Vampires & Vampirism  |  Awakening (Moderators: Merticus, SoulSplat, Eclecta, Maloryn, Zero)  |  How Did You Become Awakened To Your Vampirism? 0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: How Did You Become Awakened To Your Vampirism?  (Read 7000 times)
Darklilone
Level 5 Contributor
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Gender: Female
Posts: 258


Amelia Nightside


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« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2010, 12:11:55 am »

How did you become awakened to your vampirsim, and how have you learned to cope with it?

My story may not be the best. heh. but i'll try to keep it simple anyway.

As far as empathy and being able to feel things, read people, etc.. i didn't always have the word(s) for it, but i've always sort of just had it.. as far back as i can remember..
i don't remember how old i was, but i remember thinking to myself, picturing a certain woman.. i must have connected with her..
i think she asked something like "how are you".. i can't remember.. but i thought she was ridiculous, and so was thinking about it, while staring at the clouds during a car ride.. i can remember thinking about the woman and realizing that.. what i could feel.. my ability to just know people.. wasn't a 'normal' thing..
i thought everyone felt and thought as i did, until that moment..
i think i even sat up and asked my parents, if they felt like i did.. but i didn't have the vocabulary at the time,a nd still now can't describe exactly what i meant.. but they simply confirmed (though i don't think they replied.. i think i just said 'nevermind' and went back to thinking) what i had realized..

My brother used to play this video game called SoulReaver.. my understanding of the game was this vampire-like individual was between life of living, and death.. he fed off of both souls and blood. it was very interesting and i enjoyed watching..but, i was always bothered that the 'vampire' had to take the entire soul of something, though was usually ok, because they were enemies.. but what bothered me most, was when he drank blood, it was usuallly from humans, and it killed them..
even if the healthbar only needed a small amount, for some reason the amount of blood taken from the human, killed them.  it was just a game, but i felt bad..

I can remember, around the age of 13 i think.. (not totally sure) laying awake in bed, thinking of the game.. thinking of the character.. unfortunately my over-thinking caused me to be a bit fearful.. so instead of fearing, i chose to do some research..
I got online, typed into the google search "real vampires" i think.. and found a single article.. i read it.. and while it still seemed hard to believe, it brought understanding and made me feel better..
sometime before or after that article, i also had a dream.. now, my understanding at this point, of vampires, was still the hollywood-portrayed and mythical creature.. i had a dream that i was taken away from my family.. it was a group of three 'vampires'.. next thing i knew, i woke in a place i didn't recognize..  the older woman seemed like she didn't like me, but there was a male vampire who took care of me sort of..
explained that i had been turned.. or something and that in some way, i'd always been... he also explained to me that vampires, like those in the movies, were not real.. that they are misunderstood and portrayed negatively.
Granted, again my only understanding was of the mythical kind.. so despite his explanations, he, in the dream, seemed very much like the hollywood/myth version..

anyway.. so there was that..

about 16 i joined a social networking site because a bunch of my friends' group from school were a part of it and recommended it. After some time, an individual introduced himself to me and we gradually became friends (e-friends).. I had a habit of ranting about my problems, headaches, hunger, thirst, parents, family, just a whole lot of my life..
after a while, he revealed to me that he was a vampire and mentioned that he didn't expect me to believe.. i was skeptical and asked questions.. but told him i wasn't totally in disbelief. i showed him the article i had found years before. he told me the informaiton was good, but offered me better. he recommended a small forum that was on this social networking site, said that the individuals and information there were good, and that they could help me.
I told him that i didn't believe i was a vampire, and so didn't believe i could be helped, in the way he was referring.. but was very interested in learning more.. so i joined, learned and became a part of this forum. At first, i felt more like a devil's advocate or something.. i enjoyed learning all i could and sought to teach and share what i was learning.
over a couple months, it began to sink in that i very well could be what the descriptions and such stated.. i mean, a lot of things did connect, things made sense.. but i was skeptical and more willing to accept coincidence or something..in time though, i did accept and believed.
he taught me how to actively feed and consciously manipulate energy. He taught me how to form a connection and how to focus on people.. he taught me a lot of basic stuff, i think..
after a while we stopped talking so much.. he became irritable and complained often about not having a donor.. i found i had trouble controlling my ambient feeding and wanted to avoid taking from him, even though he said it was ok.
During my time on various forums, a friend of mine (and one who had helped to educate me in the forums) claimed that he was a sang, and was exclusively a blood feeder. His claim was that he believe psy feeding was possible, but that most who claimed it were full of bull. so he requested proof.
i had misunderstood this claim and thought he didn't believe at all.  or at the least, wanted to try.
i felt i could help him understand and believe, and at the same time, give me what i needed. so i offered to attempt a distance feed on him..
unfortunately, i was either unfocused and connected elsewhere, weak and/or too subtle to be noticed well enough, or failed altogether.. he didn't feel it, or so he claimed and there was no sensation that he noticed..
after this i sort of beat myself up.. feeling that i lied to myself, that none of it was real.. etc..
that was my first breakdown. i decided that i wouldn't actively feed and see if it was more an addiction, expected a withdrawal then be back to normal (if normal even existed) or i would be constantly feeling 'ick'..
so over time i stopped feeding, and observed as best i could to catch any ambient and subconscious feeding.. i attempted to avoid any and every feeding i could, if i noticed it..
starved myself for quite a while.. though not wholly.. i'm sure i didn't catch all of the ambient feeding.
i recently gave into the need and gradually allowed more ambient feeding to happen.
while i'm still unsure and don't wholly claim, i do feel better after psy feeding, i have had a 'taste' of blood and did feel some satisfaction from it, though i wouldn't really consider it enough for a proper 'feed'. i've joined various forums and spoken with various people, all  who have helped to 'mentor' me and add to my knowledge, belief, and experience..

i don't claime, and don't fully believe in any condition or metaphysical being of my own, but i do recognize and am trying to accept various sensations, symptoms and other signs.. it's taken me years to come to this.. with all the ups and downs of  my life, my mind and everything else..
i don't believe my awakening(s) is(/are) complete.. i believe life is full of them, in various ways... i believe, it's possible i may have postponed, delayed or stunted my personal vampiric or some other similar awakening when i went into my fit and denial. even despite a more minor, but similar fit recently.. i've not totally given up yet..
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Soulshroude
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A whisper in the wind, heard in the dead of night


« Reply #16 on: August 30, 2010, 01:17:36 am »

*Chuckles at ~Jayden Ratna's~ last post*\

Via your comment "Vampires belong to the stars and other galaxies."

Sorry but I don't think we are discussing David Ike (alien vampires from outer space) at the moment.

Try again...
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"Those of whom hath commited a fault, shall be given the chance to redeem themselves." ~Faust~

"To labor under a dilusion of grandeur will, as time allows.. corrupt." ~Soulshroude~
jayant ratna
*
Level 3 Contributor
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Posts: 89


« Reply #17 on: August 30, 2010, 02:16:13 am »

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jayant ratna
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Level 3 Contributor
*
Posts: 89


« Reply #18 on: August 30, 2010, 02:23:52 am »

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Soulshroude
Level 4 Contributor
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Gender: Male
Posts: 104


A whisper in the wind, heard in the dead of night


« Reply #19 on: August 30, 2010, 03:37:23 am »

I think I will ignore your attempt at conversation and discussion until you can speak with more "clarity", and in a language we can all understand without any poetic style to it.  It just seems as though you are babbling away trying to sound the least bit intelligent.
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"Those of whom hath commited a fault, shall be given the chance to redeem themselves." ~Faust~

"To labor under a dilusion of grandeur will, as time allows.. corrupt." ~Soulshroude~
jayant ratna
*
Level 3 Contributor
*
Posts: 89


« Reply #20 on: August 30, 2010, 04:43:55 am »

...
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Darklilone
Level 5 Contributor
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Gender: Female
Posts: 258


Amelia Nightside


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« Reply #21 on: August 30, 2010, 09:05:57 am »

consider ebbing of the moon as in time warp, against which we might have ebbing of the Sun, as the solar systems complete with their orbiting planets move closer to the center of the spiral, when the ebbing might be complete, and then in an instant, remarkable still, the entire system rejuvenated, recharged and restored to firm permanence, as would in the beginning. Continuity restored and beings in place would have never observed the transition process at the center, movement continues trajectory to the center of the galaxy and repeated abnormally full or perpetually as in recurring light.
I"m assuming you're talking about the physical galaxy and not referring to some figurative form...

where is your proof or source?
if this is true, there must be some scientific evidence, or at the least a documented claim or theory (other than your own).

i've witnessed at least two claim to be vampires from 'another world' in some way.. they never fully explained, one actually made good attempts to but most of the time, they beat around the bush and disappeared from the forum they had joined, even though there was some simple acceptance (maybe not belief, but acceptance)..
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jayant ratna
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Level 3 Contributor
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Posts: 89


« Reply #22 on: August 30, 2010, 12:10:22 pm »

...
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LadyOfPales
Level 4 Contributor
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Gender: Female
Posts: 118

ITS A SPY


« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2010, 02:38:33 pm »

I'm not sure how I awakened. It really just started to happen, and I wasn't sure what was happening until I could finally both try to guess for myself and look for answers as to what was bothering me.
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>:|
psivampire66
Level 1 Contributor
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Gender: Male
Posts: 9


One shall seek the desire of ones path.


« Reply #24 on: November 14, 2010, 11:20:39 am »

I found out a few months ago that I was a Physic Vampire and I am learning to deal with it but it is hard to except the fact that I am not like a regular person or things of that nature. It is really hard and stressful at some points, like I said I am learning to deal with the fact that I am a physic vampire.
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jpvanir
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Gender: Male
Posts: 12


Vampyrian TempleUVUP


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« Reply #25 on: February 28, 2016, 08:35:00 pm »

I actually read about real Vampyres in October of 2000 and learned as much as I could before realizing I was one. I was Goth for several years before realizing I was a Vampyre and I continually learned as much as I could about it before realizing I really was one. I actually first read the book "Vampyre Almanac 2000" I found in a goth music store; I no longer support there views but had to learn somehow no matter how off his beliefs now are now. My beginning is extremely different than I am now since I evolved in my Vampyrism as I continually learn about Vampyrism.
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