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Atlanta Vampire Alliance [AVA]  |  Therianthropy & Otherkin  |  Mixed | Hybrid | Shifter | Other (Moderators: Merticus, SoulSplat, Eclecta, Maloryn, Zero)  |  Requesting Some Additional Insight 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
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Author Topic: Requesting Some Additional Insight  (Read 9235 times)
Darklilone
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Amelia Nightside


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« on: September 03, 2010, 07:24:51 PM »

I posted this on another forum:
Originally posted: 8/17/2010


This is kind of long, i apologize ahead of time.

I'm looking for some comments, explanation, advice, or whatever you can offer me.

I've never really claimed therianthropy or 'kin' of any kind.
my process in this was much similar in my involvment with Vampirism.
I learned, believed at one point that i was, then the questions and desire to prove such a thing just became so overwhelming, that i refused to accept.
so, while i acknowledge and accept various 'odd' traits of myself, i do not claim the term.

So, with that said, i am NOT looking for a "yes you are" or "no you're not" though, of course, if you feel the need, you're entitled to your observations.

anyway, i've had countless dreams, for as long as i can remember (up until recently when i've sort of grown away from a lot of spiritual things in general) i'd have dreams in which i was usually a wolf, sometimes some sort of feline.

I do acknowledge or observe "shifts" in myself..but usually is more a mental change, from human, rational, logical mind and thought processes, to just instincts like hunger and survival.
i've never experienced phantom limbs or anything of the sort (until recently, let me continue).
My 'shifts' are just in my head, and while one could jump to the conclusion of "OH i must be therian", i preferred not to because, people are animals and most of these 'shifts' were triggered by some sort of emotional or hormonal(?) excitement. be it stress (good or bad), anger, happiness or some form of pleasure.
i often 'shift' and daydream of hunting when i'm Hungry (usually in more than one way).

about a year ago, while experiencing a slight mental shift, it was early in the morning, still dark out, and i was walking to the bus stop, enjoying the night air. I walked by a light pole, or tree (i'm not sure) and i saw a wolf standing behind/beside it (ish) watching me. It was a suprise but not a startle, and when i tried to look directly at it, and do a double-take, it wasn't really there.

a couple weeks ago, i was enjoying a ride in the passenger seat of my mother's vehicle and basking in the breeze coming from the window, i could feel my hair being thrown around in the wind, but then, i felt as though my hair had hit against something physical on my head. and i could feel, what i perceived as an ear being blown by the wind.

Last night, i experienced a shift in which i was in the mind set, and could feel two ears, atop my head. but i could also feel how they connected to the sides of my head, almost parrallel to my physiccal human ears. I FELT what they looked like, and can show you a picture of my interpretation of them, if you'd like.

also last night, while "shifted" and running around outside with one of my dogs, i turned quickly and saw in the corner of my eye, that wolf again, standing there, watching me.
he must have been closer, or something.. because he was very large. but, again, he wasn't ACTUALLY there. while i don't feel threatened by this presence, it was a surprise and i ended up, after looking around to be sure there wasn't some random wild animal in the middle of the city, i took my little ankle biter-dogs inside the house.


these things are strange to me.. while not a cause for concern, i'm definitely curious and observing as best i can. i could be going insane and/or imagining it all, or i could very well be something that i have denied for some time.
I've been practicing, asking people in various and controlled ways to try and trigger my shifts, just to see how far it will go and see what i can observe, confirm and/or explain.
so far, ears, slight sensation of wings, and my mental shift are as far as i've gone. I've also closed my eyes, while shifted, to .. sort of imagine (though it wasn't like on purpose, i just closed my eyes and saw it) i could see a muzzle (like snout) instead of my normal nose between my eyes.

Anyway, again i don't NEED and, as someone who knows better, would advise against the "you are" or "you're not".. but, any comments and what not would be welcome for those of you who've actually taken the time to read, and survive my wall of text :XD thank you.

in total, i've experienced something of; ears, wings, fur, cat eyes, and some sort of tail.
--

it's been suggested that this could be a totem or some sort of spirit animal.. Any thoughts or ideas?
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jayant ratna
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« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2010, 10:37:34 PM »

...
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Darklilone
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Amelia Nightside


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« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2010, 11:17:51 PM »

okay the muzzle like snout , would perhaps be from the avatar movie, and as you have expressed, the same as a concluding remark, the whole episode might just be a dream. IN fact it is just a dream. Werewolves do not exist, if they did, someone would find them, and give 'em a cure.

Yes, it is a very bad dream, and you are better off imagining yourself off the shelf.

remedy, would exist in taking your dogs out again, and snorkel his gut(the wolves gut), he doesn't exist does he?.

Besides, werewolves do not shoot. I'v not heard of one were, who has ever been caught shootin'.

I would also recommend you get back with your tribe, as it would only be time before they end up assuming you as one prankster.

A word or two about packs, 'A pack of dogs,  a pack of were's, a pack of cannibals, aren't they all the same, yes, they don't bite'. A few other packs do.

Totem or spirit animal, he's the same guy from the Avatar movie.


{numbers in reference to the lines/breaks in your reply, provided i can count ;P}
1) i have not seen the Avatar movie. I hear it's similar to the story of Pocahantas, and was advised that it was a waste of money. I NEVER said i was physically shifting.. these "shifts" happened while awake and over the course of months to years. I also don't believe in werewolves as the myths describe them. I'm open minded and accepting of Otherkin and Therianthropy. not so much werewolves, or even the term lycans/lycanthropy as it refers to a psychological condition. I don't believe i'm sick or insane, though anything can be questioned.
Quote
would perhaps be from the avatar movie, and as you have expressed, the same as a concluding remark
Quote
are we still talking potential reality or did you move onto fantasy, like Underworld?
I was simply asking if you were still on a realistic topic. I don't know who you are or what you're in to. so wasn't sure how serious you were taking the discussion and had to check if you were talking fantasy or potential reality. i never suggested nor did i try to shove onto you that you were talking about a movie, though yes it was more or less suggested in later posts in that thread.

2) very bad dream? i'm not fearful or disturbed by these happenings.. more just curious and trying to withhold my judgment until i feel i have enough, at least personal, evidence. I don't see how this would be a "bad dream". as far as my "shelf" i'm not sure i understand, but if it's something similar to getting of one's "throne" or "high horse", then i don't appreciate the comment. I will simply state that i disagree with your statement, If you wish to debate or attack, my inbox is open.

3 & 4) What do you mean by "snorkel his gut".. this is a phrase i'm unfamiliar with and would appreciate if you can reword or try to explain. What are you talking about with "do not shoot". I do not own a firearm and to shoot myself, or this wolf apparition thing wouldn't be a good decision to make, considering that the wolf isn't physically (or actually) there.. i'd be shooting air.. but again, i don't feel threatened, so i have no reason to seek to defend myself.. at least for hte moment. "He doesn't exist, does he?" If you read and understood my post, other than me SEEING him. this wolf was not PHYSICALLY there, and so i DID STATE he was not actually there.

5, 6 & 7) "Tribe?" i assure you i'm not a prankster. i do not claim christianity, but i've been raised fairly well, imo. i don't lie and i don't usually enjoy tricks. You don't seem to have any idea what a pack is like. A pack of wolves versus a pack of dogs is going to be different, being domesticated, while they will act similarly, there are different characteristics and usually are not as organized, most dogs (i'm sure i can find a youtube video) are not organized and in the excited moment of 'hunt' or capture, will actually end up quarreling with each other almost as much as they go after their target/toy/prey. a "pack" of people/cannibals would also be quite differetn than a pack/group of any animal they would have to organize differently as people don't quite have the speed, instinct or built-in tools that animals have.
I never mentioned anything about a bite and i don't believe in turning, of any kind; at least, again, not in the mythical way. Totem animal or Spirit Animal, these terms have been around much longer than the Avatar movie. once again, you should probably look it up and know what you're talking about. Research might turn out to be your best friend.
Just out of curiosity though "same guy from the Avatar movie" which guy is this?

Did you even take the time to read and consider my post? or was it a tl;dr sort of thing?
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jayant ratna
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« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2010, 12:24:52 AM »

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Darklilone
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Amelia Nightside


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« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2010, 12:40:25 AM »

are you a Therianthrope or 'kin', nope i wouldn't think so. My personal definition, would be that you as a person have been associatied with vampirism, and hence attracted unto yourself, other such attributes such as Therianism. Hence, you ended up in a figurative dream state, which is exemplified in a yearning that most people experience. We all want to be like vampires or werewolves, and hence help ourselves towards that point.

If i may add, the planet is consumed by people, who yearn for eternity, and if you do come across something remotely connected, would you not labour yourself over.

I don't believe i've claimed a solid belief in Therianthropy or Vampirism. at least not wholly and not in myself. so, in a sense i agree with you.
sure, it's possible that my involvement in the subject of real vampirism and slight understanding of otherkin has brought sort of a pseudo- effect or symptoms.. which is partly why i've denied it since the age of 16,**edit/add** and why i'm currently questioning and observing before jumping to absolute conclusions**/edit/add**  after realizing it can't be proven without question. over time though.. placebo effects and addictions (or withdrawal from) should go away when the stimulus is taken out..
in my case, i avoided forums for a little bit (my activity dropped). i stopped feeding as best i could and separated myself as much as i could from it. i went on, gave my opinion on what i knew, but changed my wording from things like "we are not like that" more towards "they are.." or "many believe they are not like that"..
my own experiences changed maybe slightly.. if at all.
 "that most people experience"
anyone who understands, at least, real vampirism .. i don't see how they'd 'yearn' for it..
"we all want to be"..
that's an absolute. an extreme. even if you ARE talking about the myth, as glorified as it is, not EVERYONE wants to be such things.

"If i may add the planet is consumed by people who yearn for eternity"
immortality (unless you speak of the soul) is in no way, shape or form associated with REAL vampirism or therianthropy. you may want to read up a bit within the forums here.
I personally, since the age of 8 have feared death, yes. but i don't think it's ever crossed my mind to long for immortality.. at least, in this day and age, i don't believe it possible.. i more yearn for longevity.

"and if you do come across something remotely connected, would you not labour yourself over"
I do, in a sense, commit myself to these subjects. not because it's somehow connected to the myth.. at least, consciously that's not my reasons.
it's just an interest of mine, whether i'm part of 'the group' or simply and advocate.. *shrugs* as long as i can participate and help out a bit, i, for now, am satisfied.
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paindancer
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« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2010, 01:17:28 AM »

hey lil one..

sounds like you are getting some sensation of the spirit side not meshing with your physical for varying reasons.  No biggie.. it happens.  I wouldnt get too bent about different physical attributes coming in cross species either.. from my experience it can be a bit of a mix and match.

The guardian wolf however.. thats interesting.  Something is watching... I cant say what.. but it does bear some similarities to shamanistic practice.

Or.. it could be a dire wolf and somone you know is going to die.. just to be ominous.  Wink

A lot of this is going to be very personal.  I cant tell you the real reason you are getting these sensations.  The wolfy traits... a lot of folks will hang the therian tag on you.  It fits in certain aspects.. but the bigger questions is.. so what?

In my experience, the ghost limb factor (or phantom ear in this case) is just sort of a short circut between your spiritual side and the physical.  I have a constant presence but when I am more spiritually active the disconnect increases.  Seems you dont have the pain I do, which is nice.. its lets me think there isnt anything wrong, you are just coming into another aspect of your being.

Wings.. seem to be common actually.  When ones stops to think about it.. they are almost never large enough to be capable of flight either.  My theory.. is that the presence or feeling of wings.. tend more to be of an energy collection process, if that makes sense.  I dont know if that applies to you.. but wings on a otherwise wolf might make sense in that scenario.

Whatever the cause.. I would say explore it.. which sounds like what you are doing.  It may be a past life, or present totemic, or just you really are a wolf spirit in a human skin.  Any way you cut it.. it will be a interesting path.

For myself.. I spent a lot of time observing my spiritual self.  Sort of a out of the out of body experience.. viewing the spiritual form in third person.  Maybe try it.. and see where it goes.

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Paindancer
Advocating sensible vampirism since 2006
Darklilone
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Amelia Nightside


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« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2010, 01:28:34 AM »

hey lil one..

sounds like you are getting some sensation of the spirit side not meshing with your physical for varying reasons.  No biggie.. it happens.  I wouldnt get too bent about different physical attributes coming in cross species either.. from my experience it can be a bit of a mix and match.

The guardian wolf however.. thats interesting.  Something is watching... I cant say what.. but it does bear some similarities to shamanistic practice.

Or.. it could be a dire wolf and somone you know is going to die.. just to be ominous.  Wink

A lot of this is going to be very personal.  I cant tell you the real reason you are getting these sensations.  The wolfy traits... a lot of folks will hang the therian tag on you.  It fits in certain aspects.. but the bigger questions is.. so what?

In my experience, the ghost limb factor (or phantom ear in this case) is just sort of a short circut between your spiritual side and the physical.  I have a constant presence but when I am more spiritually active the disconnect increases.  Seems you dont have the pain I do, which is nice.. its lets me think there isnt anything wrong, you are just coming into another aspect of your being.

Wings.. seem to be common actually.  When ones stops to think about it.. they are almost never large enough to be capable of flight either.  My theory.. is that the presence or feeling of wings.. tend more to be of an energy collection process, if that makes sense.  I dont know if that applies to you.. but wings on a otherwise wolf might make sense in that scenario.

Whatever the cause.. I would say explore it.. which sounds like what you are doing.  It may be a past life, or present totemic, or just you really are a wolf spirit in a human skin.  Any way you cut it.. it will be a interesting path.

For myself.. I spent a lot of time observing my spiritual self.  Sort of a out of the out of body experience.. viewing the spiritual form in third person.  Maybe try it.. and see where it goes.

as fantasy-esque as it may sound, i have had a mate in some of my wolf-dreams.. either he/it's a guardian, or perhaps just a member of the pack. i have no idea honestly.. but i'd like to know.
well, this wolf has shown up only twice within.. almost two years now.. he was an average sized wolf the first time, and was either really close or really big the second time. if someone was going to die, i'd expect him closer to the death date, no? almost two years in between would be weird.. though *shrugs* who knows

it's not just wolf-traits though.. the stronger and more frequent ones, i believe are wolf.. but also had feline-esque sensations. The ears specifically, when i felt them both the other night, i could clearly feel them, and they seemed very straight and pointed.. almost like those egyptian statues of dogs and cats..
The wings' size varies.. sometimes i feel just the base, where it connects and no sensation as to what they look like or how big they are.. i imagine they're good size.. more like angel wings, not those cut-out synthetic things you can tie to your back.. but i don't know for sure and the "angel wings" is just a description, not what i believe they are from or whatever..
How would they be part of the energy collection process? would they be like camel humps for storage or are you saying they're more like the sensation of tendrils.. on my back? o.O i've met a couple individuals who've claimed to be wolf therians, with wings.. but i'm concerned over it being a fad, or seeming that way..


How would you suggest observing my spiritual self in third person?
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jayant ratna
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« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2010, 02:29:35 AM »

...
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paindancer
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« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2010, 10:23:19 AM »

hey lil one..

sounds like you are getting some sensation of the spirit side not meshing with your physical for varying reasons.  No biggie.. it happens.  I wouldnt get too bent about different physical attributes coming in cross species either.. from my experience it can be a bit of a mix and match.

The guardian wolf however.. thats interesting.  Something is watching... I cant say what.. but it does bear some similarities to shamanistic practice.

Or.. it could be a dire wolf and somone you know is going to die.. just to be ominous.  Wink

A lot of this is going to be very personal.  I cant tell you the real reason you are getting these sensations.  The wolfy traits... a lot of folks will hang the therian tag on you.  It fits in certain aspects.. but the bigger questions is.. so what?

In my experience, the ghost limb factor (or phantom ear in this case) is just sort of a short circut between your spiritual side and the physical.  I have a constant presence but when I am more spiritually active the disconnect increases.  Seems you dont have the pain I do, which is nice.. its lets me think there isnt anything wrong, you are just coming into another aspect of your being.

Wings.. seem to be common actually.  When ones stops to think about it.. they are almost never large enough to be capable of flight either.  My theory.. is that the presence or feeling of wings.. tend more to be of an energy collection process, if that makes sense.  I dont know if that applies to you.. but wings on a otherwise wolf might make sense in that scenario.

Whatever the cause.. I would say explore it.. which sounds like what you are doing.  It may be a past life, or present totemic, or just you really are a wolf spirit in a human skin.  Any way you cut it.. it will be a interesting path.

For myself.. I spent a lot of time observing my spiritual self.  Sort of a out of the out of body experience.. viewing the spiritual form in third person.  Maybe try it.. and see where it goes.

as fantasy-esque as it may sound, i have had a mate in some of my wolf-dreams.. either he/it's a guardian, or perhaps just a member of the pack. i have no idea honestly.. but i'd like to know.
well, this wolf has shown up only twice within.. almost two years now.. he was an average sized wolf the first time, and was either really close or really big the second time. if someone was going to die, i'd expect him closer to the death date, no? almost two years in between would be weird.. though *shrugs* who knows

it's not just wolf-traits though.. the stronger and more frequent ones, i believe are wolf.. but also had feline-esque sensations. The ears specifically, when i felt them both the other night, i could clearly feel them, and they seemed very straight and pointed.. almost like those egyptian statues of dogs and cats..
The wings' size varies.. sometimes i feel just the base, where it connects and no sensation as to what they look like or how big they are.. i imagine they're good size.. more like angel wings, not those cut-out synthetic things you can tie to your back.. but i don't know for sure and the "angel wings" is just a description, not what i believe they are from or whatever..
How would they be part of the energy collection process? would they be like camel humps for storage or are you saying they're more like the sensation of tendrils.. on my back? o.O i've met a couple individuals who've claimed to be wolf therians, with wings.. but i'm concerned over it being a fad, or seeming that way..


How would you suggest observing my spiritual self in third person?


Collector wings.. its a theory of mine.  There is a long history of them in mythology, from 6 winged angelics to creatures of lore.  Physics however, dictate that the wing span needed for a human mass, with thicker bones, etc, would be massive.. about 30-40 feet or more.   Physically, there is just a disconnect between the general perception of size (they would easily be the largest part of the body) and functionality.  That said, I wonder if wings dont act sort of as solar collectors.. not gathering light so to speak but drawing in energy.  It would tie in several myths as well as have a functional element.  I know.. mine are used in energy work... but I can hardly say the nuances and peculiarities I exhibit are guaranteed the norm.

3rd person viewing:

This is medatative work.. and easiest just to sit in front of a full length mirror to start.. and simply begin to observe from there.  This is just physical form, but is a good starting point.  You can make it as formal as you want.. setting a circle, going skyclad, burning incense, etc.  Once this starting point is mastered, I personally moved on to full length black mirrors (would advise lbrp-ing before working with a black in this manner), and pure mental work.  Its not very much different than astral projection, looking down.. but the end goal, is to be looking down at the spirit form, so it becomes a process of projection the consciousness from ones spiritual projection.. if that makes sense.  Obviously, use common sence and precautions when doing out of body work.  But to recap.. start observing the physical.. train your mind for that.. then the next steps will follow.

For me.. I have a bit of a cheat.   90% of the time I am in the dreaming, I am in my sprit form.  Frequently, I observe third person there as well.  I dont know if that is an option for you.

Hope that helps.

Astral mate?  Dosnt sound strange to me at all.  I have a very strong companion, that I became aware of in my mid teens, who haunted me for about 20 years.. until l I found her.  Interesting part about that.. is that I became aware of her a good 3-4 years before she was born.

*edit*

I think Jayant is referring to trancing out in a drum circle or the like.. which is also a known practice of meditation.  Its too bad he missed burning man this year.  Here  and now, Jayant, stay in the here and now.  Wink

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Paindancer
Advocating sensible vampirism since 2006
Darklilone
Level 5 Contributor
*****
Gender: Female
Posts: 260


Amelia Nightside


WWW
« Reply #9 on: September 04, 2010, 10:38:46 AM »

Collector wings.. its a theory of mine.  There is a long history of them in mythology, from 6 winged angelics to creatures of lore.  Physics however, dictate that the wing span needed for a human mass, with thicker bones, etc, would be massive.. about 30-40 feet or more.   Physically, there is just a disconnect between the general perception of size (they would easily be the largest part of the body) and functionality.  That said, I wonder if wings dont act sort of as solar collectors.. not gathering light so to speak but drawing in energy.  It would tie in several myths as well as have a functional element.  I know.. mine are used in energy work... but I can hardly say the nuances and peculiarities I exhibit are guaranteed the norm.

3rd person viewing:

This is medatative work.. and easiest just to sit in front of a full length mirror to start.. and simply begin to observe from there.  This is just physical form, but is a good starting point.  You can make it as formal as you want.. setting a circle, going skyclad, burning incense, etc.  Once this starting point is mastered, I personally moved on to full length black mirrors (would advise lbrp-ing before working with a black in this manner), and pure mental work.  Its not very much different than astral projection, looking down.. but the end goal, is to be looking down at the spirit form, so it becomes a process of projection the consciousness from ones spiritual projection.. if that makes sense.  Obviously, use common sence and precautions when doing out of body work.  But to recap.. start observing the physical.. train your mind for that.. then the next steps will follow.

For me.. I have a bit of a cheat.   90% of the time I am in the dreaming, I am in my sprit form.  Frequently, I observe third person there as well.  I dont know if that is an option for you.

Hope that helps.

Astral mate?  Dosnt sound strange to me at all.  I have a very strong companion, that I became aware of in my mid teens, who haunted me for about 20 years.. until l I found her.  Interesting part about that.. is that I became aware of her a good 3-4 years before she was born.

*edit*

I think Jayant is referring to trancing out in a drum circle or the like.. which is also a known practice of meditation.  Its too bad he missed burning man this year.  Here  and now, Jayant, stay in the here and now.  Wink

Well, perhaps the wings aren't meant to be used for flight in human form :p i don't know.. *shrugs* your theory does seem interesting.

3rd person viewing.. :/.. i don't like mirrors Sad
i use them to get ready in the morning, but.. beyond that.. if i stare too long .. i just feel creeped out or something..
it sounds simple enough.. i guess i could try it.. practice makes perfect, right?
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paindancer
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« Reply #10 on: September 04, 2010, 10:50:30 AM »

A lot of us are uncomfortable with our shells... Wink.

I have found.. that after staring myself in the eye for an hour.. a lot of my own misconceptions of it begin to fall away.  But, in any case.. for what you are trying to do.. I *think* the excercise will serve you.

Commit to giving it a shot for a bit.. start with 10 minute runs and work your way up to an hour perhaps.. see where it takes you.

Or find your own path.  Lords know... we cant expect my twisted path be a gaurantee to lead you to your destination, lol.
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Paindancer
Advocating sensible vampirism since 2006
Darklilone
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Gender: Female
Posts: 260


Amelia Nightside


WWW
« Reply #11 on: September 04, 2010, 11:03:36 AM »

A lot of us are uncomfortable with our shells... Wink.

I have found.. that after staring myself in the eye for an hour.. a lot of my own misconceptions of it begin to fall away.  But, in any case.. for what you are trying to do.. I *think* the excercise will serve you.

Commit to giving it a shot for a bit.. start with 10 minute runs and work your way up to an hour perhaps.. see where it takes you.

Or find your own path.  Lords know... we cant expect my twisted path be a gaurantee to lead you to your destination, lol.

lol i don't know if it's my "shell" so much that i'm uncomfortable with..
at night, i can't fall asleep with a mirror facing me... i get all creeped out and panicky.. at that point, usually it's so dark or i'm at an angle that i can't see myself.. it's just the mirror and it's reflection of.. nothing..

*nods* it's worth a try.
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