02.08.11 - Vampirism & Dysfunctional Relationships - Rhea Nocturnum

[Merticus]

http://blog.rheanocturnum.com/2011/02/vampirism-dysfunctional-relationships/

Vampirism & Dysfunctional Relationships
February 8, 2011 - By Rhea Nocturnum

I speak from observation of friends, colleagues, and my own experience as it relates to this subject. And that is:

Does anyone feel that some of the most tumultuous and emotionally dysfunctional relationships within the VC could be related to vampirism itself at times?

It pondered about in my head as I was feeling my way through what is needed, in terms of what I think we need further discussion on for the community as a whole when it comes to education, safety, and health. Aside from the outrageous news accounts of violence and bizarre behavior, I do believe that we may have some legitimate issues when it comes to interacting with others in some of the most intimate of settings.

Take donorship for example.

How does one know if they are “doing it” right? Or are their unique caveats to the method in which you negotiate to absorb energy from this person? Not just for the donor, but to the vampire also. I might not be reaching as far to imply the problem with chaotic links that are difficult to break, but things more pragmatic when it comes to basic human interaction that manifest through emotions and the psyche such having a clingy personality, jealousy, and obsessive behavior.

Sexual vampirism: Is it conceivable to safeguard both from creating a “relationship” whilst choosing this as a preferred feeding method? I’ve seen donors turn into lovers and go completely downhill because the list of “pros” that one picked for donorship were NEVER eligible for the donor as a lover. But yet, here they are, fighting in the streets and being insanely jealous of everyone and everything.

Also, are you sure that this is a vampiric exchange and not just really intense and satisfying sex? Is there anyone to “learn” this from?  With that said, how does one know they are selecting quality over quantity and just simply not being what society would consider simply promiscuous and putting two communities at risk to satiate a need.

Sang feeding: Does how one chose to engage with a donor like this predict the working relationship moving forward? Were they already a cutter and suffered from addictive behaviors not yet known to you and now they are holding your identity and vampirism hostage in exchange for a relationship? Or is the vampire becoming increasingly abusive, the more he/she feeds from them and growling at others to stay away.

Emotional/Psi feeding: This one I’ve experienced the worst of. Not by my own hands, but through the chaos of a friend and the highly volatile relationships caused with other people. To me, this one is the hardest to have an honest conversation about and grasp on; perhaps due partly to our own humanity and they way we perceive ourselves and non-vampiric needs. Relationships get formed out of the needs of our nature, and not the mutual desire to have a connection in the way that perhaps the donor (knowing or not) would be aware of.

BDSM: When is one not “living the role” when the exchange was set up this way? Or, are there less issues if it IS set up this way?

Your serious thoughts.

(Post Comments Here & At Article Link)

[Kim]

I've been living with my boyfriend (a vampire) for about a year and a half and in the begining we had a very dysfunctional relationship and it was very unhealthy. We would literally have multiple "screaming debates" at each other over vampirism. I can honestly say that I've had arguments and experiences with him that I thought I'd never have in my life, and that I never knew could even happen. He allowed vampirism to consume his life and I wasn't open to some of the things he did as a vampire (the way he feeds was a big issue). He put his vampirism above his friends, his job, his human needs, everything. And I refused to see why he couldn't balance his vampirism with the rest of his life. I can't even guess how many "heated debates" we go into where his vampirism was the root cause.
I would get jealous because he would spend more time with his donors then with me, he would talk to his donors more then he would with me. Overall he had a deeper, more meaningful and more intimate relationship with his donors then with me and he wouldn't explain why. The most detailed answer I would get was "It's just a vampire thing, you'd have to experience it to understand it. I can't really explain it." (I also was too stuborn to accept any type of explination he would have given). I would beg and plead to the point of crying for him to explain things to me so that I could understand and try to help him, but he either couldn't or wouldn't. Just like there would be things I now understand as just being part of the package of vampirism that at the time he would beg and plead for me to just trust him or try to understand the reason why he was doing it. I remember how all of his donors wanted more then to be just donors and would actually become obssessive and possessive of him. They would talk about him like they were theirs' and would actually tell me to back off or would even contact me to see how he was doing or what he was doing or why he hadn't fed or talked to them in a while.
My advice to anyone in a relationship that has vampirism in it, is to throw out what you think is normal because that will never happen in that relationship. We've learned to understand each other more and become more patient with each other (mainly me learning that), and his vampirism is no longer a big issue. (I'll admit that every once in a while I think that I'm ok with something but then it goes differently then I thought and I end up having a problem with it, but I get over it) To some people our relationship is a bit dsyfunctional compared to other peoples' relationships, but our relationship can't really be compared to other peoples' relationships.