Atlanta Vampire Alliance [AVA]

Therianthropy & Otherkin => Therianthropy & Were => Topic started by: SoulSplat on March 01, 2009, 12:28:31 pm



Title: Therian Awakenings
Post by: SoulSplat on March 01, 2009, 12:28:31 pm
Posted by Danielle on February 1, 2009 at 7:43pm
Transferred from Suscitatio forums

I myself went through an awakening but for the majority of my childhood I had an unexplained connection with nature and animals, I always figured it a coincedince. I didn't really awaken psychologically/emotionally until I was about 14 or 15 and at that time it was as if a veil that had been over my eyes fell away and I realised that the world isn't what they teach you in school. Life is not just about going to school and working until you die. There is so much more to life, it's a chance to learn and to teach. I spent most of my childhood working towards being a veterinarian, my focus always on the future, always on what I was going to do when I grew up. But when I had my awakening I stopped thinking anout the future and started living in the present. I no longer worry about tomorrow until tomorrow comes. Ever since I was born I grew up around a catholic environment but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't accept what they were telling me, I always knew there was something higher than enything else, an all powerful being if you will. But nothing became clear te me until after my awakening and still everything isn't clear but slowly things pop up, and this happens on a regular basis for me.

I've recorded the basic details of my awakening here with you....anyone else care to share?
Any Questions? Comments? Fell free to share :)



Title: Re: Therian Awakenings
Post by: SoulSplat on March 01, 2009, 12:31:10 pm
Reply by outward on February 2, 2009 at 9:20pm
Transferred from Suscitatio forums

Here's a long Question and Answer essay I wrote last year about my experiences as a therianthrope. As you can see, my 'awakening' has been more of a process than any one given moment in time -- and it seems to me as though you can relate.

Where did you learn about therianthropy?

I originally found the term "Otherkin" from an Artist's profile on "Elf Wood." Elfwood is a fantasy and sci-fi art website. This particular artist claimed to have a unique connection with dragons -- a connection they described as to the point where they *were* the dragon in question. Around a month or so earlier, I stumbled upon "Therianthropy" while looking up information about werewolves. Needless to say, the idea completely took my interest. I googled up "otherkin," and after stumbling upon "Otherkin.net," I read all the information on that website that I could. I later found myself on these particular forums. This was in the fall of '04, and I had *just* reached the start of my teen-age years.


~ Are you a therian? If yes, What is(are) your theriotype(s)?

Why yes, of course. ;]

When I first started questioning my proposed "animalness" (as I had no term at that time.), I had quickly narrowed down my 'otherside' as being feline. Not until recently have I felt comfortable enough to say that I am a "Margay." These cats are around the size of a domesticated cat, are believed to be primarily arboreal, and live in South America.

~ What lead you to the conclusion that you are a therian?


I am a feline, and nothing but definitely a feline therian. As is the usual case, I always felt affection for cats -- I pretended to be one, and while I should have been 'growing out' of role-playing as animals, and I dreamt and remained slightly obsessed with the idea of becoming or living as a cat.

As a child, I was always incredibly introspective. I choose to spend a lot of time by myself, isolated, and read anything I could get my hands on. I detached myself from other people, and acted how I felt like acting -- because, to me, everyone else just seemed to be wrong.

Reaching the magical point in time called puberty, I started feeling pressures to "fit in" with other people. I started consciously trying to change how I acted to make myself more like the people around me. It was at this time that I started seeing things in the world that seemed, or rather felt, "wrong." I realized I was feeling pressure to act in a certain manner that did not feel natural to me. Other people's behavior just did not make "sense." It wasn't until then that I found I had way too many differences to 'fix.'

Now, to start going into the clichés here. I felt different. I felt like I was gazing at people through a window, detached and separate. I couldn't understand human desires and goals, or why they acted in the 'wrong' way they did. I also experienced full phantom and dream shifts. Obviously, there after came the moment where I knew I was the wrong one here.

I have a terrible habit even now to be immersed in my thoughts. I simply think too much. I ponder life, death, god, emotion, our 'purpose', so on, so forth. (after which, I would ponder the use and practical reason for, well...thinking. =P ) It was during one of these late-night sessions that I confessed my ideas to my partially snoozing (and possibly annoyed) cat where I realized what made me different.

I was like him; like a cat.

This realization was comforting. Actually, very comforting. As I become comfortable with this decision, I gave up being 'human.' (and to date, I've still given up. I am a socially-inept outcast.)I starting exploring what I first thought was a "cat inside of me." Later, I realized the cat is not separate, but me. I am a cat. I clearly remember making this realization. As time passed, my feline counterpart became more integrated, as I welcomed it.

~ Why does therianthropy feel "right"?
(In all honestly, I have never found out the right way to answer this question. So, if anyone else wants to ask anything more specific: Go ahead!!)

Therianthropy feels "right" because I feel, identify, and believe that I am "a cat stuck in a human body." I have considered the term "animal-person" before, to relate my experience relating to cats. But all and all, Therianthropy is right because I am innately a cat.


~ What is your "connection" to your therioside?

When I originally started suspecting the feline-aspect of myself, I could only describe myself as "sharing a body" with a cat. I felt a struggle between 'cat' and 'human,' and my shifts were stronger and felt more separated from my normal everyday human thoughts. As time progressed, and I accepted 'cat,' I starting acknowledging that I have never shared a body with a cat -- I am the cat and I always have been. As a child, being virtually unaffected by social norms, I never paid much attention to the feline aspect of myself. I currently believe that my perceived rift between "cat" and "human" was something I created to cope with growing up and experiencing other people's expectations.

So, in other words, my "connection" to my therioside is that it is me. Being a cat is not a part or a side of me, it's all of me -- my 'soul' anyway.

As much as I wish I do, I have never had any mystical bond or connection to cats. I cannot communicate with them, and I highly doubt any of them recognize me as a cat. I will say thought, that I have always had an "understanding" to cats. I understand they way their minds tick, I understand why they do what they do, and I understand how the slight change in position of every part of their body -- from their toes, whiskers, and tails -- can convey a different emotion. I naturally understand them in a way I never understood humans or my other pets.


~ Why are you your therioside, and not something else?
(Did you see them in visions? Did you see them through meditation?
)

Read above. ;]

I am a cat because I understand them and relate to them in a way that I cannot for any other creature. I may "understand" why a dog fetches a ball after I throw it, but I cannot relate to a dog the same way I can relate to a cat. I have owned dogs and various rodents before, and I loved these animals very much. Even though my cat does not walk on a leash nor do 'fun' things like run around at a park, I liked my cat the most. I never complained that my cat slept all day, or that he doesn't learn tricks -- because in some way, I understood his 'aloof' qualities.

Only recently have I decided that I am a Margay.

Originally, when I felt the need to pin-point a theriotype, I mingled around with the conclusion that I could be a cougar. In retrospect, I researched a lot of the larger cat species, but neglected to research anything else. What had drawn me to cougars was the shape of their face -- not quite large cat, not quite small -- their long hind legs, and their long tails. Overtime, I began to identify with cougar at such a way that I grew a little attached to the idea. But never did I fully feel as though I may have the 'soul' of a cougar. (to this day, I still really like cougars, though.)

I later found out that there are 36 cat species. The majority of which are classified under "small cats." My "research" was severely underdone. Forcing myself to be honest about my therianthropy, I scrapped the idea of being a cougar. I started drawing and describing my phantom shifts, and began writing down my dreams I had where I dreamt I was in a forest or being a cat.

From what I could tell related to my therioside, here were the details: I was small, most likely near the size of a house cat. I had a small head, and the muzzle was a mix between small-cat and large-cat. I had small rounded ears, and a wide fore-head in-between. I had very large paws, very long hind legs, and a very long tail. I had desires to climb trees, including dreaming of being in trees, chasing rodents and other small critters (never had thoughts about bringing something large, such as a deer, down.). I often dreamt of being in dense foliage.

Next, I studied. I researched. I checked out books about wild cats and cat behavior. I search up every website about different members of the cat family I could find. I obliged myself to read about every cat species even if I did not feel as though they remotely had a chance of being my therioside.

While researching, I became interested in cats such as the Ocelot, Margay, and Clouded leopard. These cats were expert tree climbers, had long tails and large paws. I felt as these animals may 'fit' me, but it just wasn't 'quite.' The Ocelot's legs were too slender; the Margay's head didn't fit; and the Clouded Leopard was much too large.

For awhile, I stumbled upon the elusive Marbled Cat -- they're gorgeous Asian cats, around the size of a house cat, and primarily arboreal. I was even so sure about my discovery that I proclaimed I was one; only to look back a couple months and later and found that I might have jumped the gun....again. *sigh*

A little more research, setting things aside, and testing around with what I believe felt right, I have pinpointed myself most closely to the Margay. Remember how I mentioned that their head didn't quite fit? Well, I still feel the same; the margay doesn't fit me dead on, but it is the closest I can get. I feel as though I should have a thicker muzzle, and longer canines. But I have to admit, I LOVE these cats, and even feel a strong connection with the margay located at a zoo near me. I also yearn to visit the Atlantic Forest and Jungles of South America which consists of the Margay's habitat.

Maybe I'm an abnormal margay, maybe I'm an unknown or extinct species -- I've concluded to the point that I AM a margay, but even if I find myself to be wrong, that doesn't change how I identify on a personal level -- names and descriptions mean nothing when I dig deep down into what is simply "me"

[As a side note. I have tried meditation and visualization in the past. In fact, I thoroughly believed that meditation would be the end-all to all my therianthropic/spiritual questions. Psshh. I still 'meditate' everyday for a small amount of time, to refresh myself, but I have never used it as a reliable tool to discover my therianthropy.]


~ Have you questioned your thoughts at all? Have you just given yourself answers to make therianthropy seem 'right'?

HELL YEAH. xD

In my last intro, I admitted the possibility of leading myself on. I try to be as brutally honest with myself as possible. As I see it, though, even if I do not fit the word "therianthropy," that does not change my own personal experience, or how I view myself.


~ Have you ever doubted your therianthropy?

As above.

A lot. All the time. Maybe right now, just a little. ;]

All in all, I may not know that my therianthropy is a past life connection, a very strong totem, an "oops I missed" on God's part, atypical neurobiology, or a psychological crutch. What I do know is that my felinity is real, to me. It is something I experience that I can describe as "therianthropy."


~ Have you ever shifted, if so, what sort of shifts? Were they deep, were they triggered, how often?

(Stolen from my WL intro)

Yes, of course. :]

I have phantom, mental, and dream shifts. Being that most therians here have phantom limbs, I'll refrain from trying to describe the sensation. I have rounded ears that I can consciously swivel sitting atop my head. When I’m not using my hands, they are paws with extendable claws. I have a long, thick tail that twitches and sways with a mind of its own (I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but I can hardly move my own tail without trying. Guessing by how my cats act with their tails, I'm assuming that independently-acting tails isn't anything new.)I occasionally have a muzzle.

Phantom shifts are strongest while resting, but weakest while in motion (IE, because I'm using my hands, I currently have no paws, but because my legs are resting, I currently have paws in place of feet). In other words, my phantoms tend to disipitate when they contradict the sensations from my human body. I experience full-body shifts while lazing in front of the TV, or before bed. On the other hand, I tend to experience strong shifts after vigorous exercise.

Mental shifts are harder to distinguish. I do not become angry, lash-out and hiss, but occasionally I will feel, simply, 'feline.' I've noticed I will, at times, become lost in activities a normal human shouldn't be doing -- such as trying to rub my 'scent' against my sheets after laundry day, avidly watching the progression of a mouse, or attempting to claw mark a nearby tree.

Dream shifts are obvious. I dream I'm feline. These dreams, unlike a lot of my others, are only ever from first person. Most often I remember climbing trees or chasing prey. Unfortunately, these dreams aren't very clear, and generally brief.





Title: Re: Therian Awakenings
Post by: SilverRose on September 16, 2009, 11:34:17 am
thats really interesting i pretty much am the same in a sense but i'm canine or more specifically a wolf which was pretty obvious and i'm suprised i didn't figure it out sonner than i did.