Therianthropy & Rage

[XXXDameaXxXD]

         I have recently discovered certain aspects and mannerisms of myself that have arisen whilst working with my energy and have come to the realization that being therian, as well as vampiric, is a good possibility for me. Since addressing the issues I have been having with my energy and trying to identify and sort them out, I have become increasingly prone to random occurrences of sheer rage that seem to have absolutely no trigger and are very difficult to control if not uncontrollable at times, being directed at anything living that is near me. During these fits of rage, I seem to feel phantom ears, like that of a wolf's and, whether related or not, an insane urge to brutally injure and/or kill anything in sight. I have always had a bad temper, but this rage is something new altogether. I am feeling these phantom ears so often nowadays that its almost maddening, like my human ears are being elongated into wolf ears. Throughout the recent years, I have had these dreams that seem to take place in a very small foreign town, possibly set in the past a couple hundred years, and in the dreams I am a huge wolflike being that is destroying the town, killing many people. I seem to have this fiery shield around me that sets houses and whatnot on fire. I have noted that in my recent fits of rage, I get flashes of this wolfish creature and all I can describe is blood and fire. It seems to be directly related or triggered by my rage, but it is hard to pinpoint exactly, knowing as little as I know of this. I have dabbled around in many mythologies and folklore and have not found many creatures to be strikingly similar or anything that would explain this a little further. I was reminded by someone I hold dear of the stories of the Norse Berserkers, which would explain the rage, but not so much the feeling of shifting. There are many theories on that as well. I am in the hopes that anyone here has any information, possibly on any mythologies even, or experiences that may be of use to further my thinking. If any have anything to say or ask on the matter, by all means feel free to do so. Thanks.


                                                                                                  ----Damea

[Darklilone]

Based on your description, the first thing that came to mind, was Berserkers; However, I believe their connection was more with bears than wolves. Then again, you're the one who says it is something YOU hold dear, so maybe you're a better judge of this than I.

The other thoughts I had (though I personally don't put much merit in the first, a little more in the second, but both are "strange" to me, so I leave it as "to each their own" with all due respect) were the following.

Some "newbies" I've interacted with recently (tbh not sure how "new" they are) seem to believe in Lycans as being a true Otherkin/Therian type. They are described in much a similar way as the movie Underworld. They idenitify as people who shift into (now their description of "shift" [as being physical or mental and spiritual] seems to vary, and when asked to clarify, they seem to do a lot of backtracking so I'm heavily skeptical) an anthropomorphic wolf-like creature, though seeming more wolf than man who runs on all fours, but stands bi-pedal. There seems to be a common, heavy, characteristic of uncontrollable or difficult-to-control Rage and Bloodlust (though this very well could be the same as the rage, depending on who's describing/claiming it).

I wanted to copy/paste a description from one of them for you, but I've checked and all the descriptions I've run into have expired from the forum (that I get my info from) and disappeared ):  I have no idea how much "good" information about this exists around the 'net Unfortunately ):


The other thought would be werewolf kin. This is very similar to the Lycan, however people identify in much the same way as your general werewolf myths. - an anthropomorphic manwolf who appears a bit more man than wolf, Is dependent on, or who experiences shift in relation to moon phases , etc, etc...

I personally don't see much difference between the two.

The fire description made me think of a Hell Hound, or some similar demonic canine. Unfortunately, I've never understood such mythical creatures to be anthropomorphic.
I know that when I experience my wolf shifts, While I understand it to be a wolf fully and completely - the individual phantom limbs typically correspond with my human body. For example: If I experience ears, they could feel like they're on top of my head, but I've also felt them, almost like ear muffs, over my physical ears... So too, if I experience a tail, I may feel it extending from the very tip of my tailbone, or more at the area of intersecting joints between the hips and lower vertebrae (before the tailbone - the space where the lumbar vertebrae become the sacrum I think?). Any chance this could be the case for you? Where phantom limbs may give the appearance of anthro- or not, but perhaps actually be the opposite?



My "realistic" take (have to look from every angle, right?) :

Do you ONLY experience these shifts with your emotions? Is it always the same emotion?

Some people are very visual in everything they do.. It's entirely possible, while not therian or otherkin, you could be using an animal image to represent your emotion and to help you express it.

Any idea where these moods come from (pretty sure you described no, but figured I'd ask, any guesses? speculations?)? Are you aware of the term Empathy? Definitely should record these events and discuss at least the moods with a professional. See if there's anything that they can suggest to help you manage and understand it better..

Regardless of your personal findings and conclusion, Please definitely find healthy ways of venting your rage, so as not to harm yourself or others. I find my outlets to work well both for this (for me it's just shiftyness bringing on animalistic traits, the desire to run, chew, etc) and in Hunger. A nice piece of meat (rare steak serves a dual purpose for myself), beef jerky, I love chicken on the bone (fully cooked of course), tearing the muscle meat from the bone gets me going and satisfies really well, I also rather enjoy, in deep fried chicken, some of the bones - they look like vertebrae, unless it's just marrow or something; usually found in the breast pieces) over cook easily, making them dark in color and incredibly soft, I LOVE chewing on those.
*Generally though, cooked bones tend to be rather dangerous to eat as they are likely to shatter and break apart as sharp shards. Careful chewing/gnawing, versus eating, is recommended.



 

[XXXDameaXxXD]

Based on your description, the first thing that came to mind, was Berserkers; However, I believe their connection was more with bears than wolves. Then again, you're the one who says it is something YOU hold dear, so maybe you're a better judge of this than I.

The other thoughts I had (though I personally don't put much merit in the first, a little more in the second, but both are "strange" to me, so I leave it as "to each their own" with all due respect) were the following.

Some "newbies" I've interacted with recently (tbh not sure how "new" they are) seem to believe in Lycans as being a true Otherkin/Therian type. They are described in much a similar way as the movie Underworld. They idenitify as people who shift into (now their description of "shift" [as being physical or mental and spiritual] seems to vary, and when asked to clarify, they seem to do a lot of backtracking so I'm heavily skeptical) an anthropomorphic wolf-like creature, though seeming more wolf than man who runs on all fours, but stands bi-pedal. There seems to be a common, heavy, characteristic of uncontrollable or difficult-to-control Rage and Bloodlust (though this very well could be the same as the rage, depending on who's describing/claiming it).

I wanted to copy/paste a description from one of them for you, but I've checked and all the descriptions I've run into have expired from the forum (that I get my info from) and disappeared ):  I have no idea how much "good" information about this exists around the 'net Unfortunately ):


The other thought would be werewolf kin. This is very similar to the Lycan, however people identify in much the same way as your general werewolf myths. - an anthropomorphic manwolf who appears a bit more man than wolf, Is dependent on, or who experiences shift in relation to moon phases , etc, etc...

I personally don't see much difference between the two.

The fire description made me think of a Hell Hound, or some similar demonic canine. Unfortunately, I've never understood such mythical creatures to be anthropomorphic.
I know that when I experience my wolf shifts, While I understand it to be a wolf fully and completely - the individual phantom limbs typically correspond with my human body. For example: If I experience ears, they could feel like they're on top of my head, but I've also felt them, almost like ear muffs, over my physical ears... So too, if I experience a tail, I may feel it extending from the very tip of my tailbone, or more at the area of intersecting joints between the hips and lower vertebrae (before the tailbone - the space where the lumbar vertebrae become the sacrum I think?). Any chance this could be the case for you? Where phantom limbs may give the appearance of anthro- or not, but perhaps actually be the opposite?



My "realistic" take (have to look from every angle, right?) :

Do you ONLY experience these shifts with your emotions? Is it always the same emotion?

Some people are very visual in everything they do.. It's entirely possible, while not therian or otherkin, you could be using an animal image to represent your emotion and to help you express it.

Any idea where these moods come from (pretty sure you described no, but figured I'd ask, any guesses? speculations?)? Are you aware of the term Empathy? Definitely should record these events and discuss at least the moods with a professional. See if there's anything that they can suggest to help you manage and understand it better..

Regardless of your personal findings and conclusion, Please definitely find healthy ways of venting your rage, so as not to harm yourself or others. I find my outlets to work well both for this (for me it's just shiftyness bringing on animalistic traits, the desire to run, chew, etc) and in Hunger. A nice piece of meat (rare steak serves a dual purpose for myself), beef jerky, I love chicken on the bone (fully cooked of course), tearing the muscle meat from the bone gets me going and satisfies really well, I also rather enjoy, in deep fried chicken, some of the bones - they look like vertebrae, unless it's just marrow or something; usually found in the breast pieces) over cook easily, making them dark in color and incredibly soft, I LOVE chewing on those.
*Generally though, cooked bones tend to be rather dangerous to eat as they are likely to shatter and break apart as sharp shards. Careful chewing/gnawing, versus eating, is recommended.



 

    The berserker thing isn't something I hold dear, but was mentioned to me by someone I hold dear. I could be wrong entirely, but I think the berserkers did relate to the wolf as well. Though don't quote me on that.

     As far as the rage, it just seems to be completely random most times, though sometimes it can be brought on by an argument or a physical attack, and the second it flares up, I feel my phantom ears(more similarly over my ears like earmuffs that extend upwards towards the top of my head) and feel as if I'm not myself or in control of myself, as if I'm a wild animal, and I usually lose memory of anything that happens while in a rage. All I know is that my father has serious rage issues as well, but not as severe as mine. As far as venting, I usually go out for a run, but I'm not always able to do so anymore, due to physical issues and weakness.

     I had a thought that maybe I was this fiery wolf like being in another life perhaps. Not too long ago I had a vision of sorts while meditating that I was standing (not sure of I was in human form or not) on a boat dock in an old world. Some type of village setting. And there was a house to my immediate right that was on fire and a woman in front of me screaming at me in some foreign language I couldn't understand. I just stood there the entire time. This man came up to me with fear in his eyes and the only thing I could make out in what he was saying was that he pointed at me and said "Loomtham!" Not sure how you spell it but that's how it's pronounced. I've searched mythologies for this word and have found nothing remotely similar.

     About the "Lycan" term, wouldn't that just be pop culture? I'm not sure what the difference is with the general werewolf myth and the Lycan thing. I'm not really able to pinpoint any of what I'm experiencing for sure, only seeing what is most similar.

[XXXDameaXxXD]

~UPDATE:

I flew into a rage today and the first thing I did was grab my knife and went outside and slashed one of my trees(poor tree). I usually don't do this, as I've not had a knife I felt was strong enough to take it until now, and it somehow felt as if some of the rage was lifted. Not enough, but I feel if I had a bigger, stronger blade, it will help me vent tremendously. I also went for a full out run afterwards to blow off the ragey energy and ran until I couldn't hardly walk. And personally, talthough I still feel quite a bit of pent up rage and I wasn't able to vent enough in one go, I can honestly say this is the best I've felt in a long time.

It seems learning to fight (hand to hand and some swordplay) would be a great solution to safely get rid of some of this rage as it comes. Can't say it will solve anything, but it just may help lighten things up a bit until I figure it all out.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

   And also, I have done a bit of digging and have come to the conclusion that "Lycankin" better describes my identity than wolf therian. And everything has pointed back to the same thing: the berserkers. I have more of an idea now, but not entirely sure. Though, at least I'm making progress.

[kaytan]

Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen.
If I may, I have something to say about this topic. Before saying that, I want to make every one sure that I'm not going to offend any of you (my dear brothers and sisters at AVA) by my comment.
In my opinion the one who wants to identify his kin type and is gathering the symptoms, abilities and points in order to study them, must always consider possible psychological reasons of those changes. Let's say if some one feels bad, tired, depressed and weak in public when he/she is beside of others in a public place, before tagging himself/herself with any kin type must first make sure if his/her behavior has a psychological reason or not; I assure you symptoms  like what I said above is very common between young boys and girls who are between 16 till 21 which is a re-action to their sexual habits that has root to their childhood and has nothing to do with any kin type.
Now about what you brought up earlier in this topic Damea, I think, according to Freud, what you said about your "Legs" and the way you described them and all those things about the rages May have a psychological reason and I'm positive about it. Sorry if I can not go more in to details about it, for now.
Again, please do not take what I said offensive.

[XXXDameaXxXD]

Greetings Ladies and Gentlemen.
If I may, I have something to say about this topic. Before saying that, I want to make every one sure that I'm not going to offend any of you (my dear brothers and sisters at AVA) by my comment.
In my opinion the one who wants to identify his kin type and is gathering the symptoms, abilities and points in order to study them, must always consider possible psychological reasons of those changes. Let's say if some one feels bad, tired, depressed and weak in public when he/she is beside of others in a public place, before tagging himself/herself with any kin type must first make sure if his/her behavior has a psychological reason or not; I assure you symptoms  like what I said above is very common between young boys and girls who are between 16 till 21 which is a re-action to their sexual habits that has root to their childhood and has nothing to do with any kin type.
Now about what you brought up earlier in this topic Damea, I think, according to Freud, what you said about your "Legs" and the way you described them and all those things about the rages May have a psychological reason and I'm positive about it. Sorry if I can not go more in to details about it, for now.
Again, please do not take what I said offensive.

  I do not take offense, Kaytan. I appreciate your concern. And yes, this is something I have also thought of. I'm not just labeling myself to get on with it. I'm actually trying to figure put the root of the problem. As I've said before, there could be a combination of many things causing it. I do not take heed in much of what Freud says, but I have considered this as a possibility and am currently looking into professional help, as well as possible martial arts training. I believe that is the best I can do for right now, and greatly believe that as long as my will holds true, I will not harm a single person. It does not matter how strong my rage is, my will will always prevail in the end. I was in control somehow when I slashed the tree. I knew full well that it as a tree and not a person. I was in a rage, but not quite to the point of memory loss yet. I knew what I was doing and grabbed the knife with the full intention of only venting, not hurting anyone or anything. Just to clear that up in advance.