How Did You Become Awakened To Your Vampirism?

[ariesffa1500]

Tis a simple question but the answer will be difficult as we all have a different answer.

How did you become awakened to your vampirsim, and how have you learned to cope with it?

[Removed]

Well I don't really know when I first exactly began to awaken. It was either when I was very young or when I was a teenager first browsing the internet. When I first came on the internet it was a lot smaller. I started off in Yahoo and made a lot of friends there but eventually I went to MSN way back in the day before you could ban someone and they still offered websites instead of "communities" similar to tripod. I saw vampires for the first time there. At the time there was quite a few chatrooms. A lot of them were fake roleplayers and some were legitimate but I was surprised to see so many. I remember thinking how "cool" it must have been to be so much different and unique... that's why I can look at the newblood and kind of just laugh to myself because I've been there, I felt the same things they did and went through it thinking the same exact things. It's almost like looking at a mirror image of myself from another dimension.

When I was young I was subject to some violent trauma through domestic violence in the family. I am pretty certain that is what "officially" sparked my awakening and it is likely that it did start when I was young and simply took all that while until I was a teenager for it to really surface out of me once I became totally aware of it. I think back and felt a lot of things about my energy coming from me before I was ever really aware of it... I think the trauma I went through caused that wall to be shattered and let me act on things in my mind that I didn't at all understand.

It was about then that I had ... social misunderstandings with friends and family. People connected to me were a bit too tied-to-the-hip so to speak. If they weren't really close then they were close enough to feel threatened by me and it really was uncomfortable. I've always felt really out of place because of it. People just can't help but see me as whatever they see me in their mind. They don't even give me a chance because they see this thing inside of me that makes them feel jealous of the air that I breathe. It get's really old after a while and makes you want to just hide away from everybody but as I get older I care less and less.

I think location is everything for us... the sense of unity in a friendship that you can trust is something that can never really be replaced or duplicated. In a way it is even sacred. There is nothing I value more than that. 

[CrimsonSnow]

During my teen years, I started looking on the internet and discovered the term "psychic vampire". I started reading, and the more I read, the more I indentified with what I was reading. There was a peaceful feeling on the inside of me that could relate to the info I was getting. It was kind of like spiritually discovering myself

Every since I was young, I was able to sense spirits but it wasn't until I was in high school that I started noticing that I was different. I have only started fairly recently discovering what I really am. I first started to notice that when I was in certain situations, my hands would be in odd positions without consciously doing so. After reading and studying, I discovered that I was actually feeding by the Head, Heart, Hands technique. I've been told that it was draining to be around me, but never knew why.

The more I started to become aware of what I am, I began to become more sensitive to energy. I could feel energy and it would at times become like an overload. I seem to be a particular feeder since I like to be around a particular person often due to the energy they give, but it's not just that person only that I feed from.

Needless to say, it has been a mental battle every now and then about moral issues. I've been raised in a conservative home and this is a shocker to discover. I tried to pretend that it didn't exist, but that was always a short fight since you can't successfully deny what you really are. It is still a battle mentally for me every now and then, but I have slowly become more comfortable with who I am and it really does feel good to accept myself. 

[Garnet]

Interesting question. I was introduced to my vampirism after I was introduced to being a witch. I met the head of my current covent and one of my best friends at the Vampire Ball in Mississippi...about 5 or so years ago. She helped me develop all the magical aspects of my life that were awakening and through the process she found that I was a psychic vampire, but I hadn't fully awakened. She and a few other close associates tried to find out how it all happened, how I developed the potential and they came to believe that it was a blood inheritance. I am not sure if that is the case or not, but I know that all the research I have done up to now from that point have linked more and more to my being a psychic vampire. I think I fully awakened, or awakened more, about 3 years ago...the first time I tried blood from a willing donor. I loved the sensation and the feeling and the energy...but I never craved it. I normally try to feed off of blood at least once every other two to three months, just becasue that is what feels right to me...that is about the time that certain people's blood calls to me...like I have to feed. I can control my feeding off of smaller groups of people, though it is hard sometimes, but big groups equals me being able to not think about it too much. So, I guess that's that.
I am glad I finally have a network I can associate with and talk to about this...it's hard keeping such big secrets, but now...I don't really have to as much...meh, me and my emotions! 

~Garnet

[Daniel09]

To the question of how? I'm not entirely certain. It just happened, and not all at once. I felt the incessant need for blood, which I went at hair-brained lengths to get, but silly me from myself. I have permanent scars on my left hand now because I used blunt edges on the back of it, and my teeth to make myself bleed. Surely enough, I turned to the internet to see what was wrong with me, hearing of an obsession with blood as a fetish called vampirism. Looked it up and found real vampires. It's been a long, arduous journey since, nearly 5 or 6 months, and I wasn't sure if I was a vampire for much of that time. I am certain now though and things have stabilized.

I cope with it by simply accepting it as the way I am. I've figured how to monitor my energy levels and recognize the signs of neglected energy. They tend to start with blood cravings, OCD tendencies, and if I get really low, suicidal thoughts and depression. It's an annoying way to live, but I've found with my abilities at staving blood by taking energy getting better, I've become more empathic and telepathic. Those can be useful when your occupation takes intuition to make it the most successful.

Might as well explain how I monitor my energy levels while I'm at it. Basically, I started meditating a few years back, and after a couple weeks I started seeing colors under my eyelids, and if I focused, on my eyes with them open. The colors green and blue to be specific. Anywho, when I am to the brink of suicide low on energy, I cannot see them. Then after I draw in all the energy I need to sustain myself, the colors return vividly and I become shaky as if I've just taken an energy drink into my system.

[vorp]

Forgive me if I shouldn't put this here.

I used to wholeheartedly think that vampires didn't exist. However just because someone believes that there is no possibility of something doesn't mean they can't entertain discussion on it and be open to logical argumentation to the opposite effect. Last week I am suspecting I was "awakened"

My father died precisely 3 months ago to the day.

I was sleeping, and had a dream where well...It was just white. I was brought to my knees in the dream and my head was pounding. Afterwards I felt like I had reached an entirely different plane of consciousness. I thought I had died, because I've always played with a theory that right before I died I would reach some sort of higher plane of consciousness...I won't go into a lot of detail...anyway I felt like shit after waking up. I went to talk to my friends afterwards, and they were all in a good mood, then I was in a good mood, then they fainted, and I went for help... long story short they woke up and felt weak after prolonged time with me, everyone I was around was feeling weak after I was around them for a while and when there were 2 or more people I was feeling overwhelmed and had mixed emotions, I isolated myself and through meditation I've been able to control myself.

Sorry this all seems odd to me, I actually am not sold on it myself.

[silvermoon]

well it how it happened to me was I've always known I was different from other people. But I really started to realize it when I started school. But when I really started awakening was about a year and a half or so. Ive always been sensitive to the sun but it became worse. Being in the sun for 20 minutes can burn me. My eyes became very sensitive to light. I started getting frequent headaches and a craving of blood. I never expressed any of this to anyone for a fear or being called crazy. I would crave blood so bad sometimes I would bite my nails down just to taste it but it never gave me what I wanted. Also I realized I could manipulate energy and take it from people. I didn't realize at the time what I was doing I just knew it made me feel better. If I didn't get it I became very tired and moody. To me I compare me getting energy to a everyday coffee drinker. It gives you that bump to start you off. I never tasted human blood until a friend and I decided to make a blood pact. That was then that I realized that energy manipulation could get me by but blood was the best. Since then I haven't tasted blood from a human but found that rare steaks suffice. I meet some really great people over the internet when trying to find out what I am. They have helped me alot and shown me many things. The most important rule they have taught me was never to be a leach and always take from consenting people. I just know this is me and it had made me who I am and I wouldn't change it for a thing If you have any question feel free to email me or IM me
~silvemoon~

[Soulshroude]

First off I am going to state that I am NOT going to talk about how "differant" I felt around others, or which internet social sites I went to.  Instead, I will give some things I have experienced.  It is not that I believe in the "awakening" process, since this word is irrelevant to me for the time being, rather I have experienced things differantly through my eyes as those around me who would have experienced the same, but did not.  I might have had a regular childhoo, but I am unsure because I have no idea what a "regular" childhood means.  Yes, I was one of the many that was abused as a child, but I think this has no relevance as to what makes an individual prone to the "awakening".  I think this term is overly used and people should instead just describe why they think they are vampiric, what traits they have and other aspects and not add a stereotype to segregate themselves from others.  This has been what we as a society within a larger community have been doing from the beginning.

Hmm, let's see... My hands tingle around people on a constant basis, this lets me know that I am feeding off of those people.. then after the fact, I become a very hyper individual.  This changed after I grew out of my child and teen years because I learned to deal and cope with that insesent problem of mine.  I first learned that I was clairvoyant by a person I used to live next to at a very early age, it may have been him that gave me my first "awareness" session because my life changed from that point on.  I could remote-view when I wanted to, now-a-days I do it when I need to.  My dreams were and still are very fluid as if I am really in another dimension or world, I dream about other vampires on a constant basis in these dreams and have gotten to know quite a few of them in the last decade or two.  The docs used to call me ADHD because they had no other excuse for my physical and or mental condition.  I was a manic depressive growing up but not on account of my own life.  I still have no idea what triggered it.  I have learned to subside the depression by my own self esteem boosts and I no longer care what the world around me thinks about me or the way I live.  My eye and hair literally change during the course of each season that passes.  At certain times during each season, more during the winter time I get an unquenchable thirst going on and have no further way of describing this feeling.  Other issues occur, but this description will do for now.

I am unsure if any of these attributse or descriptions are accurate when describing vampirism, I will leave that up to the individuals perception.  Indigo child comes to mind, though.

[sphynxcatvp]

Tis a simple question but the answer will be difficult as we all have a different answer.
How did you become awakened to your vampirsim, and how have you learned to cope with it?

I don't remember a time when I didn't know. I may not have had "the word" for it until later years, but I've always known the what. Much of what I figured out, I had to learn on my own - I was beyond college/university when BBS's started flourishing, and after that was when the internet started becoming a known thing.

(One of the reasons I call myself an old fart, yes...)

How do I deal with it? Nutritional and dietary approach for the most part when I'm not able to feed. My vitamin regimen has been getting some serious tweaking, and while it's not perfect, it is....quite helpful. I've been moving over what seems to be a more "Atkins"/"Paleo" diet - protein, fats, minimally processed veggies and fruits, as little junk as possible in my diet. The higher protein and fat keeps cravings down to something MUCH more manageable; this keeps most people from noticing anything more odd than usual.

An interesting note, I watched an episode of...Dr Sanjay? I think his name is? Who went over the benefits of low carb - Atkins, etc. - versus low fat diets. For weight loss, he says either one works well. If you want to keep heart disease risk down, however, the low carb diets protect the heart better than the low fat diets do. I found it interesting, considering the low carb path is where my own diet has been gravitating to.

[jayant ratna]

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[Soulshroude]

I really hope that post ~Jayant Ratna~, was pure speculation, supposition and out of your own opinion.  Vampirism for a few of us is very much NOT a choice.  If it is a choice, then it would be termed as a roleplayers choice to fall into a belief system that stems from Christianity and the "evils" thereof (from the opposite side as mentioned).  Then you seem to contradict yourself by adding "becoming awakened to vampirism is felt as a natural course in the human lifespan."  Wait a minute now, first you are supposing that vampirism is a choice, then you post that awakening is a natural course?  Which is it, choice or natural behavior?  As well, do you differanciate between human and vampire, if you do... why and how?

[sphynxcatvp]

Vampirism has become an object of choice, as it portrays the other side of the Christian religion, one that seeks to effect motion to subdue in complete contrast to meek behaviour. It has become an object of choice due to compelling reasons such as people who kill for their square inch of soil, fanatics and fundamentalists. Hence an awakening to the religious side of vampirism, of being occult in nature and likewise...

Um.

A) what brought that on?

and

B) ftw? It doesn't make sense to me.

[jayant ratna]

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[Soulshroude]

I think ~Jayden Ratna~ that you need to post with a bit of clarity as I am sure this audience only caught half of what you wrote.  I did understand all of it, but I will with this respond with this rebuttle because of what you seem to connotating.  I will add some clarity to what I think you wrote:

"Awakening is a choice for humans."  People cannot "awaken" even if they had a choice.  But, to gain a bit of clarity, awareness or to step outside the box IS a choice.  The "Awakening" is a stereotypical word that is used for lack of a better term for most of the community.  Even though this term by definition does not exist.

"Natural course in the face of a determined enemy"?  Is this supposed to be rhetoric?  I do understand that there may be one or two non-English speakers on this site, so you will have to re-iterate this statement so as not to confuse your audience.

"Awakening for vampires, is more or less fraught with freedom calls; in other words, awakening for vampires, has and always has been freedom, as they were never underbondage"  At least we agree on something here.  Very well stated if not re-iterated into differant words such as this:  Vampires do NOT need to be "awakened", they always have had and always will have the attributes within them that distinquish them from everyone else.  Thus, no "awakenings" should take place.  In other words:  There is no such thing as a supposed "AWAKENING".  If one were vampire, they would know it from the get.  INSTINCT people!

[jayant ratna]

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