Questioning Existence & Spirituality

[storyspoken]

i am just looking for some answers. I am not saying that i am and i am not saying that i am not a vampire because i don't know. what i do know is that i am in tune with human energy and sometimes when i am in a room or at work i become over energized sometimes it is intoxicating and not always good. It happens more at work (i work at walmart).

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When i was pregnant with my first child all i did was crave blood even thought i was taking iron and prenatal pills and when i could not have blood the cravings would become overwhelming i felt like a junkie.
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when ever my husband and i have intimate relations i draw energy from him. I don't know how i exactly do it but the feeling is like a wind riding over me or little tiny bugs marching over my skin. every time we are through he always tells me that he feels completely drained and i always feel energized and want more.
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Also i know that i have had past lives and for some reason i feel like i have never died but i have died and i feel like i never will die but i will die (if you even understand that). when i was three i swear on everthing that is holy that i saw death him self and he is nothing like what they have in movies and TV.
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I have had dreams over and over again about this tall slender blond pale man and he has always told me that one day i will be awakened. (by the way i have had this one dream ever since i can remember). I have just resonantly had a dream about my self many many many centuries ago and i was messing with a golden hand in the dream i called it 'the hand of Ra' what the hell is the had of Ra.
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I don't know if any of this is normal or maybe i am just crazy. all i want is answers so please please if anyone cane help me understand what i am going through please reply.......email....(crazysadie87@AOL.com......or call me at 404-xxx-xxxx.....please i just want some kind of guidance

[TAYLOR]

Well I must say that without jumping to any conclusions it would be hard to omit the possibility of vampirism. Due to not actually seeing your signs first hand one cannot actually label what it is that you are, but from the description you give it shows signs of you pulling energy from emotions, sex, and maybe even astral. Your dreams could signify past occurrences future or maybe even the present for you. The image you see (the blond man) could be a form that your spirit guide has taken to better relate to you. And all of the symbols could link together to actually tell you about yourself and who you are. To be awakened is to have a true heightened knowledge of yourself, so maybe through the dreams and physical happenings you will be able to put the pieces together. Some things for you to look up to better understand what is going on with you would be as follows. 1: sites that tell information about energy work. How to shield, center and ground yourself to not hurt those you love or possibly yourself by taking in the wrong thing. Also look up spirit guides, chakras, and meditation. 2: look up symbolisms. Things such as dream books, old Egyptian information, etc. If you have had any dreams about certain animals they have books and sites on that as well. 3: look up all the different types of vampirism there is. If you are like myself then you can pull from many different sources, but this will also help to understand who you are and what you are capable of, you don't want everyone around you feeling drained all the time and you should know how to feed and when to better help yourself. The most important thing to do is to keep track of yourself. Write down, as you have done, when you feel most energetic, or how others say they feel so tired around you. Write how certain elements make you feel, (storms, sunshine, mountains, etc.) Keep track of the times you feel drained and tired (outside the usual when you first wake up or about to go to sleep) In doing this you can also help yourself know what to look for as far as what you could possibly be and what to do to keep yourself at your best. Though it helps to have others assisting you there is no one that knows you better than yourself, so if the answers you find fit everything that you are looking for then that is what it is, don't be thrown off by the out look of what others "think" is right. Even this that I write is just suggestions and information to better help you get started on your way Take care of yourself and good luck.

[SoulSplat]

i am just looking for some answers. I am not saying that i am and i am not saying that i am not a vampire because i don't know. what i do know is that i am in tune with human energy and sometimes when i am in a room or at work i become over energized sometimes it is intoxicating and not always good. It happens more at work (i work at walmart).

I'd start by learning about sheilding. Sound's like you work in the perfect place to practice it. Read up on it and test test test. We used to have some techniques posted but can't locate them. I'll look around if your interested.

Then, after you've gotten them under control. I would try going without taking energy from outside sources. See if its something you can do without.

If you function fine without taking energy, your probably not a vampire.


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When i was pregnant with my first child all i did was crave blood even thought i was taking iron and prenatal pills and when i could not have blood the cravings would become overwhelming i felt like a junkie.

Did a little research. Hope it helps. "Even if iron and folic acid intake are sufficient, a pregnant woman may become anemic because pregnancy alters the digestive process. Also the unborn child consumes some of the iron or folic acid normally available to the mother's body." (Source: http://www.rxmed.com/b.main/b1.illness/b1.1.illnesses/anemia_during_pregnancy.html)

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when ever my husband and i have intimate relations i draw energy from him. I don't know how i exactly do it but the feeling is like a wind riding over me or little tiny bugs marching over my skin. every time we are through he always tells me that he feels completely drained and i always feel energized and want more.

I've been there. Awesome ain't it Shielding helps here too.

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Also i know that i have had past lives and for some reason i feel like i have never died but i have died and i feel like i never will die but i will die (if you even understand that). when i was three i swear on everthing that is holy that i saw death him self and he is nothing like what they have in movies and TV.

Sorry. I got nothin. But I would love to know what death looks like.

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I have had dreams over and over again about this tall slender blond pale man and he has always told me that one day i will be awakened. (by the way i have had this one dream ever since i can remember). I have just resonantly had a dream about my self many many many centuries ago and i was messing with a golden hand in the dream i called it 'the hand of Ra' what the hell is the had of Ra. 

Sure, could be past lives. But nothing I've had experience with. Hopefully someone else has.  If still curious, feel free to cpntact me and I'll ask around and see what I can do. (CONTACT: http://www.atlantavampirealliance.com/contactsbios/soulsplat.html)

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I don't know if any of this is normal or maybe i am just crazy. all i want is answers so please please if anyone cane help me understand what i am going through please reply.......email....(crazysadie87@AOL.com......or call me at 404-xxx-xxxx.....please i just want some kind of guidance

Normal? Well, I think that's a whole 'nother thread.  . I'm here if you need me. I've answered these as honestly as I can. 

[Zero]

Hi,

First things first, I hope you aren't too offended, but I removed a personal phone number from the post. PLEASE don't post stuff that can lead strangers back to your doorstep (and a phone can do that, even an unlisted cellphone - you can buy reverse lookup cellphone information as a consumer commodity). I don't want to cut you off from avenues of contact, but I'm concerned that you maintain your personal safety, and I'll not have this message board be the place that your hypothetical problem-person found you. Anyone reading this has Internet access and a means to email you, and you should keep all interactions with Internet-based strangers to email only!

Also, a bit of Internet safety for everyone - there are people out there who will prey on those who need guidance. You'll have to evaluate the responses you get, and don't trust anyone who asks for anything in exchange for advice or knowledge. There aren't any secrets out there - the vampire community has put it all down in the form of websites, articles, forum posts, even whole books. No one has any wisdom worth trading that you can't get for free.  If you're making contact with the local vampire community for the first time, I always recommend you do so through a public, group event, like the meetup groups or other social outings. Never meet a new person one-on-one, and always meet in public - it should never be just you and him/her/them.

[Zero]

OK, now on to the vampy stuff;

First, I'm going to agree 100% with SoulSplat - vampiric or not, it sounds like you're energy-sensitive at the very least, and the basics are grounding, centering, and shielding. There has been tons of source material written on the subject, and any basic neopagan website or book will give you tips, though different techniques work for different people, so mix, match, and experiment. Splat's totally right - if you're psychic and you work at WalMart, shielding is your new best friend.

Don't read too much into the dream stuff - you'd be surprised how many vampires have odd dreams, crazy symbols, and even dreams of vampire-style characters telling them Important Things. We don't have an explanation for it, but nothing comes of it, ever. I've been there, and so has just about everyone I know. You may or may not grow out of it, but don't sit around waiting for something momentous to happen. These dream vampires never show up in real life, and the symbols rarely amount to anything in particular.

My personal theory is that the subconscious mind is creating these symbols and the dream-vampires as attempts to communicate with the conscious mind. The vampires that show up in real vampires' dreams always say some theatrical or portentous stuff about how you were a vampire in a past life, or how you're going to be initiated into their vampy club or something. I personally think it's your brain interpreting your own experiences through a subconscious lens of Anne Rice and the Lost Boys.  I can personally guarantee that dream symbols and visions never turn out to be as dramatic as they seem. Your subconscious is trying to tell you stuff, but it's personal information, it's not dire.

In other words, there's no such thing as a "hand of ra" - your brain made it up. Just like mine made up the dream of the Vodoun Loa Papa Legba's killer bunnies. The real Legba deity does not have pet killer bunnies, I have it on good authority from a voodoo practitioner personally. No bunnies of any sort, really. 

And as for past lives, yes, it's interesting and even personally important to understand who you were, but you're only the person that you are now, and the life you're sitting in now is the one that counts. Bhudda would agree with me   Don't worry about the meaning of life and death - just because vampires (and many others -- we didn't invent reincarnation) get a small peek behind the curtain doesn't mean that the little pieces of the puzzle we get are the whole answer, or mean more than the life we're living now. It's a mistake to obsess on the hints we're given - they're not the center of the mystery, they're just information.  Past life memories could mean anything from being a former Tibetan Lama to having an active imagination. No one knows. My personal advice is to mentally file it, and move on.

[Maloryn]

i am just looking for some answers. I am not saying that i am and i am not saying that i am not a vampire because i don't know. what i do know is that i am in tune with human energy and sometimes when i am in a room or at work i become over energized sometimes it is intoxicating and not always good. It happens more at work (i work at walmart).

Wal-Mart is truly the source of all evil, so don't feel so bad.
Seriously though, I know of several pagans that are energy sensitive and have difficulties around large groups of people and pulling energy and emotions from them. Even ones with pretty good shielding techniques have their days. Can't imagine how much worse it would be at the temple of retail misery, Wal-Mart.

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When i was pregnant with my first child all i did was crave blood even thought i was taking iron and prenatal pills and when i could not have blood the cravings would become overwhelming i felt like a junkie.

I often compare vampirism to diabetes. There's a reason for that. Some women experience diabetic episodes when pregnant.  I can only imagine what having something feeding inside you would do to your energy pattern. Maybe some of the vamp moms in here can/ will speak on this. 

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when ever my husband and i have intimate relations i draw energy from him. I don't know how i exactly do it but the feeling is like a wind riding over me or little tiny bugs marching over my skin. every time we are through he always tells me that he feels completely drained and i always feel energized and want more.

Sounds like good sex.  What's the issue?
Is he energy sensitive or "awake"?

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Also i know that i have had past lives and for some reason i feel like i have never died but i have died and i feel like i never will die but i will die (if you even understand that). when i was three i swear on everthing that is holy that i saw death him self and he is nothing like what they have in movies and TV.

I've got nothing on the past lives bit.  I'll leave that to others.

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I have had dreams over and over again about this tall slender blond pale man and he has always told me that one day i will be awakened. (by the way i have had this one dream ever since i can remember). I have just resonantly had a dream about my self many many many centuries ago and i was messing with a golden hand in the dream i called it 'the hand of Ra' what the hell is the had of Ra.

Ditto the above on dreams.

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I don't know if any of this is normal or maybe i am just crazy. all i want is answers so please please if anyone cane help me understand what i am going through please reply.......email....(crazysadie87@AOL.com......or call me at 404-xxx-xxxx.....please i just want some kind of guidance

Please for the love of Risen Elvis and all the memory of Coat, don't post your phone # !

All the above said, we aren't saying you AREN'T a vamp, but as has been stated many times - we aren't in the business of diagnosing or labeling people as vamps.

You should definately look into some grounding/ shielding techniques if you work at Wal-Mart. (Hmmm wonder if I could sneak that into an official letterhead from Bentonville. Heh.)

---Mal

[storyspoken]

First off thank for your advice and i am sorry about the number thing it won't happen again. 

I have one or two books on paganism but i really haven't fount anything on shielding or blocking energy. I guess i kinda have an idea of how to to do it but i am not positive its right.............its like building a wall through meditation right?

No i don't know if my husband is energy sensitive or awake i never really talked to him about it.

i probably have more questions, but right now i feel so bad that i can not think of any off hand.

Again thank you for your advice and i will look more into shielding and grounding myself, and when i think of those questions i will ask.

[SoulSplat]

Sorry for the delayed response. Yes. It would be correct to say shielding is a close cousin to meditation.

Have you had any luck in your search for literature on it?